What do you say to a
parent who has lost a child. Even if that child is an adult it is a
devastating loss. How can words comfort a brother or sister who lost
a best friend or a wife who was looking forward to enjoying a quieter
life with her spouse without the strain of jobs and children? And the
children. What on earth do you say to the children who have lost a
parent?
Our neighbor passed
away earlier this week. We haven't lived in the area long but had
gotten to know Ron and Cindy a little. Ron had been fighting his
battle with Cancer since we fist met him but he always had a good
word and smile no matter how poorly he was feeling on any given day.
As I sat down to
write Cindy a note I realized, yet again, that I didn't know what to
say.
At Laurel Mountain
Basket Company making and delivering sympathy gift baskets is a big
part of our business. Often the sender will ask us for suggestions
as to what to write on the care. “Thinking of you during this
difficult time”, Keeping you and your family in our thoughts and
prayers” or “With deepest sympathies” have always seemed
appropriate but this time, they didn't work.
I think it was
because I was too close to the situation and was forgetting what
condolence wishes are all about.
1. They are not
about you, not about how you feel. They are not even about the
person who has passed. Messages of sympathy are about the ones who
are left behind.
2. Messages of
sympathy are not about “fixing it”. There is nothing you can do
or say that is going to take the pay and grief away. Time will change
things but it is NOT your place to point that out.
3. Actions speak
louder than words so if you are in a position to help, here are a few
things you can do.
4. Remember that
everyone grieves differently. Let them know you are there if they
want to talk or if they would like your help but don't push or hover.
Respect their need to grieve in their own way.
5. Offer to run
errands or do chores like picking up people at the airport, baby
sitting, cutting the grass, or picking up some groceries.
6. If you are not
in a position to personally help out, send prepared meals or a gift
basked filled with fruit or other easy to eat foods.
7. Don't question
them about the details of the death.
Sympathy may be one
of the most difficult emotions to convey and there is not easy way to
approach someone who has just suffered a significant loss. Offer
what you can whether it is an ear to listen with or a shoulder to
lean on. It will be the right thing.
Marie
P.S. For more
information or to view some of our recent designs, check out
laurelmtbasket.com or call us at 413-527-1243